Jeff Astrof has 100 days off. See how he spends them.

Day 62

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It’s still Day 61 where you are, so don’t read ahead if you don’t want to know the future. At 3 am Caleb announces that his body is confused. It bodes ill for the rest of the day. I tell him to be quiet and go to sleep. He can’t, his body feels like it’s in Los Angeles. I tell him to pretend he’s asleep in Los Angeles. But he can’t sleep in Los Angeles because his body there is on Israel time. I wake Shawni up to tell her that Caleb is keeping me awake. She tells us both to go back to sleep. Caleb asks when he can wake up; I tell him that I’m getting up at 5 a.m. to go to the Western Wall. He can get up after I leave. He asks me how many seconds until 5 a.m. I tell him. He asks every ten seconds from 3 until 5 a.m. how many seconds until we leave. Finally, at 5 a.m., as punishment to both of us, I take him with me. I wake Shawni up to tell her I’m leaving. I think Shawni wants to leave me. I don’t blame her. I want to leave me. We are now getting to leave for our tour that I painstakingly planned and have promoted to my kids so hard that neither of them want to go on it. My guess is that Shawni will get custody of the kids. MORE UPDATES LATER.

UPDATE: Well, here’s the good news: just saw actor Patrick Stewart in the restaurant of our hotel. I was going to go up to him and introduce myself by saying, “I’m also from Hollywood” but I was vetoed.

Everyone here is exhausted beyond belief. Everyone except for Shalom, our tour guide who got to go home two and a half hours early because Shawni and I finally submitted to our daughter’s repeated sobs of “I want to go home”. Poor Shalom. Poor Shawni and me. And, of course, Poor Sasha, I suppose, though it was hard to sympathize with someone who used all of her limited energy to complain about everything. I tried to live up to my “Most Patient Man Alive” moniker bestowed upon me just yesterday by the Old Cranky Guy on the plane, but I just didn’t have it in me. We were being led around by an amazing tour guide who gave us an extremely comprehensive and well-thought tour of Jerusalem. His catch-phrase was “The best is yet… to come” (Like the person giving my parenting class the other night, Shalom gave a dramatic pause to create effect). Unfortunately, even Poor Shalom seemed to lose his faith that the best was indeed yet… to come, as nearly everything was greeted by a sob and a sigh. I know it was a bad idea for me to overplan like this, but my personality is to try to get as much in as possible. I guess I have to learn that my kids are not like me, for better and for worse. I’m hoping that they’ll get better as the trip goes on, because we still have almost two weeks left of a vacation that cost me a month’s pay. And more than that, I just want them to be happy, and to truly believe that the best is yet… to come.


Written by 100daysoff

April 14, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

One Response

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  1. Dad, are we there yet? How much longe? I gotta pee!!!

    Michael Lebit

    April 15, 2011 at 7:29 pm

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