100daysoff

Jeff Astrof has 100 days off. See how he spends them.

Day Six

with 4 comments


“Man plans, God laughs.  Unless He’s watching Cougartown”.  But seriously…

Today I had planned on talking about the chaos of Friday and how it leads into Shabbat and what that means to my family, and maybe touch on my hike with my dogs and the seldom seen triple pee.  But then it happened: I FINALLY RAN INTO MY (crazy) EX-GIRLFRIEND.

There is not enough space on this site– or maybe the internet– to explain how loaded this situation was.  My last relationship before my wife was so toxic after the first year that we knew we had to break up to save one of us from going to jail, or heaven (or hell).  And that’s why, after five and a half years we did break up.  The last time we saw each other before today was so dramatic and spectacular that it actually occurred in a real-time montage of horrible breakup things.  There was broken glass, car chases, death threats, over 400 vulgar messages, pictures with heads cut off, all culminating in me speeding backwards down a cul de sac with my Ex-girlfriend dangling from the side window threatening to kill me.  The actual story is much scarier.  If you have 45 minutes I’ll tell you sometime.

Anyway, that was around 11 and a half years ago and one of the reasons I believe in God is because in that entire time we did not run into each other.  There were near misses– there were sightings here and there from various friends, each one resulting in shivers running down my spine.  It got so bad for a while (up until last Tuesday) that if I saw someone with long curly brown hair and a slim frame I would freeze up and sweat.  Needless to say I was not going to any Kenny G concerts.

And then, today, on my way to meet my wife at the gym I pass by a middle-aged woman with medium length straight hair and a normal forty-something body working out on the hip abductor–adducter?–who said, “Jeff!”  Now, I have a TERRIBLE memory for names, but this is someone who is on my permanent “Do Not Fly” list.  It took me about 30 seconds before I realized it was Her.  I was speechless.  She introduced me to her trainer by saying, “This is my ex-boyfriend, Jeff”.  After over 11 years I was introduced as her ex-boyfriend.  I guess it’s better than her saying to her trainer, “This is him.”

Anyway, I have to get ready, the family and I are going away for the weekend– something else I could have talked about– but I haven’t exhaled in about three hours.  My (crazy) Ex girlfriend now works out with my wife.  HOLY CRAP.

My garage. Less scary than seeing my Ex

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Written by 100daysoff

February 18, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

4 Responses

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  1. NOW it’s gettin good! Maybe Shawni needs to start a blog!

    Heidi

    February 19, 2011 at 5:39 am

  2. I started to read your blog yesterday night with ” day 22″ and you are so funny!!! I really enjoyed it soo much that I am reading you instead of packing lunches for the kids. Oups, I even forgot to woke them up!! Can’t wait to read ” Day 7″.

    severine chriki

    March 8, 2011 at 7:08 am

  3. so freaking funny… can I say that?

    Dawn

    March 8, 2011 at 8:03 pm


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